DOMA Ruling Bittersweet for South Brunswick Same Sex Couple

Upon hearing the news Wednesday morning that the Supreme Court struck down a law blocking benefits for same-sex couples, Louise Walpin and Marsha Shapiro wept.

Their tears were mixed however. The South Brunswick residents felt overjoyed for couples in states that allow same-sex marriage after the court found the Defense of Marriage Act unconstitutional, while recognizing that their personal fight is far from over. But for Walpin, 59, and Shapiro, 58, who will celebrate their 24th anniversary on July 1, the decision by the Supreme Court did represent a huge step in the right direction for equality.

"There was a moment of utter joy where I was crying for all those people who now have marriage benefits and are recognized as citizens," Walpin said. "But then the moment that followed was bittersweet, and there were tears because we're still second class citizens and we won't be entitled to those benefits because they're only going to legally married couples in their states of residence. But the Supreme Court made a wonderful decision and we're thrilled that this moved in the right direction. This is the right side of history."

"We're hoping our lawyers will go to court and do whatever legal proceedings they need to do in order for the court to okay marriage equality," Shapiro said. 

Short of a court ruling, the couple is hoping New Jersey's legislature takes action. Gov. Chris Christie delivered a conditional veto of New Jersey’s proposed gay marriage bill in 2012, saying same-sex couples are afforded the same rights and benefits as married couples through the state’s preexisting civil union laws. 

While legislative leaders are currently working to gather enough votes to reach a two-thirds majority to override Christie's veto, according to the Star Ledger, the governor has remained silent since Wednesday's ruling.

"Even Christie at this point may want to save face," Shapiro said. "He may not want to look bad by vetoing it again. Maybe it's to his benefit to pass marriage equality this time. He may not personally agree with it, but he can't argue the decision made by the Supreme Court."

For Walpin and Shapiro, marriage equality is about much more than just the status of being married. The couple said the existing civil union laws simply do not provide the same rights and protections other citizens receive, and that it has opened them up to discrimination and countless indignities.

When applying for jobs over the years, Walpin said she was constantly forced to out herself by asking if the prospective employer offered civil union benefits.

"I was outing myself every time I had to ask that question," she said. "Because my employer knew I was gay, I was opening myself up to discrimination. I've been called to jury duty and was asked by the judge who I live with, and I said my civil union partner. So the other potential jurors knew I was gay."

The specter of revealing personal details about their lives to complete strangers has also come up during the couple's darkest moments. Their son Aaron died in 2008 at the age of 21, after being born with profound medical and cognitive disabilities. 

While at the funeral home making arrangements for Aaron, the couple had to explain what a civil union was at the lowest point of their lives. 

"I had to introduce Louise as a civil union partner and the funeral director said what is that?" Shapiro said. "Then he asked for proof of our relationship. At a time when we were grieving we had to provide our civil union information to a funeral director."

Recently, Shapiro found herself in excruciating pain and in need of an emergency appendectomy. But before leaving for the hospital, the couple had to make sure they had all of their civil union paperwork with them.

"I don't know of any heterosexual couple before they go to the hospital who needs to make sure they have their marriage license with them," Walpin said. "All of our hospital forms list us as single or unknown. So we know we need to bring some kind of proof with us if something happens and we need to see each other."

While the battle over marriage equality in New Jersey is far from over, Walpin and Shapiro said the court ruling Wednesday bolsters their hopes for a future when they no longer are made to feel like lesser members of society.

"I think we will be seeing (equal rights) by the end of this year," Walpin said. "I'm turning 60-years-old this August, and about six months ago Marsha asked me what I wanted. I said I want to get married in New Jersey, so I hope that's my 60th birthday present."