Reinventing Yourself After Children

I became a stay-at-home mom 14 years ago almost to the day.  Back then,  I was working as the Managing Editor of a small publishing company in Manhattan, commuting twice a week, leaving at five in the morning and getting home at six at night.  The other three days each week, I was attempting to work from home while caring for a three year old.  This was before widespread email and skyping and when editing meant paper and pencil.

That July, I was three months pregnant with a hard fought, hard won pregnancy after a late first trimester miscarriage and months of infertility treatment.  I realized getting myself back and forth to New York with a toddler and a baby was going to be close to impossible, as I was already stretched to the limit with just one child.  Admittedly, I hated the job anyway.  The question was, could we afford to go from two salaries to one?

I was nervous about it, but we decided to try to live on one income for a year.  After that, when the baby was one and my older daughter was headed into kindergarten, I could go back to work.

That was 14 years ago, and I am still among the Stay-at-Home Mom set.  Over the last couple of years, my friends of teenagers and older children have gradually been going back to work -- some went back to school first for new degrees, some entered back into the workforce in entry level jobs. Some started back part time, some went back full time. All needed to brush up on skills and take some risks.

I've been impressed with my friends who have realized they needed to go back to school and then taken graduate exams to achieve new goals, those who have tirelessly worked to get caught up on computer and other new technology skills. They've given up a lot to go back to school either full or part time, spending their weekends studying, giving up glorious summer days to hit the books. Or they took jobs that years ago they never would have considered or worked odd hours or now have bosses who are in their twenties. In the end, they've sacrificed to get jobs in their new chosen fields.

As my children grow more independent, I've been waiting for a flash of light to hit me. What is it I want to do with the rest of my life?  I'm only 43.  Next year my older daughter will enter college. Four years later, her younger sister will follow suit.  Yet here I sit, undecided about the second half of my life. It's a disconcerting feeling. I want to know what I want to do. I want to have a plan, whatever that plan is. 

I feel incredibly fortunate that we've done well on one income all of these years. It's been stressful at times and we've given up a lot, but we own a nice home, our kids have all of what they need and much of what they want.  My husband has worked very hard to provide our lifestyle while I've done the day to day running of the household and taking care of our girls. 

I'm so proud of the people they are becoming, and I like to think that being home with them has been helpful to their growth and development.  I know that being there for all their firsts, for their good days and bad, for volunteering in their classrooms and schools and running functions and events, for listening to them whenever they needed me to, has been my greatest joy.  Greater than anything else I could have done with the first half of my life.

But I've almost worked myself out of this great job, as I was supposed to...  and now it's time to start thinking about the second half...Do you have a story to tell about how you changed after raising children or as you've raised them? I'd love for you to share it!