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Health & Fitness

How Do We Prepare Teens to Become Adults?

How can we help teens become productive young adults?

 

In light of my column last week about how this country says the age of reason is 18 but I'm not so sure that's actually correct, I thought I might explore how, as parents, we can help our kids mature into healthy, capable, young adults. 

I don't think there are any hard and fast rules we can use to ensure all kids will grow into adulthood more or less easily, and I think different things work for different families. I can say, though, that I think there are some ideas worth trying:

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1. Older teens can work.  Any kid over 16 has the opportunity to get a job, whether in a mall or a store or babysitting or mowing lawns...I see no reason why most teens can't work, even just a few hours a week.  I hear a whole lot of parents saying "School is your job," but really, who in society doesn't "work" multiple jobs -- from moms and dads who are parents and employees to people who have to work two jobs to make ends meet...we all wear a number of hats...I think parents also worry about their child having enough time for schoolwork/homework if he/she is working a few hours a week...but probably what he/she would be giving up is a few hours of facebook time. 

2. Teens should pay for a few things.  I think teens should help pay for some of their activities.  Mom and Dad should not be a bank.  If your teen has a job, he/she could be paying for gas in his/her car, or social activities, or when he/she wants to get a bite out to eat...there are endless ways to teach them fiscal responsibility.  If your teen does not have a job, he/she could ask for money for birthday/holiday gifts for these things.  I doubt teens who don't pay for things really grasp the amount of money it takes to operate a car or go out for dinner or to the movies on a weekly basis.

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3. We should talk to our teens about money, in general.  We started showing/telling our kids about our bills a couple of years ago. At first our daughter thought our monthly mortgage was a YEARLY amount. She was shocked to find out how much it cost to own a home.

4. Teens can volunteer.  Suppose your teen can't work, for whatever reason.  I think it's great for teens to volunteer in areas they are interested in, whether it be for charitable causes, your church or synagogue, school, seniors...there are endless amounts of opportunities available, or they can make their own.  It will give them "practice" for when they do enter the paid work force.

5. Teens should start advocating for themselves.  Whether your teen is having a problem with a coach, a teacher, or other adults, your teen needs to learn how to stand up for him/her self.  By Junior year of high school, I recommend most parents get out of the school thing completely except in certain circumstances -- students should develop their own relationships with teachers, be able to go to them when they want to complain about a grade or an assignment, and work towards resolving conflicts on their own. 

6. Parents should sit on the sidelines during the college search...I think setting household rules for searches is reasonable -- ie, we can't afford for you to go to private college, or if you choose a college four hundred miles away, this is how often you will be able to come home, but I tell parents to let their kids do the searching, to guide their own process, not to worry too much if the kid doesn't know what he/she wants...Parents should not be calling or emailing colleges themselves, except maybe in the case of financial aid/costs, they should not fill out applications (except for the application fee!) or talk to teachers about recommendations. The parents should be supportive helpers but try hard to stay neutral and let the kid do the work.

7. Summers should not be ten or eleven weeks of nothing -- that is way too long for a teen to sit home with no structure. He or she should have solid summer plans, even if for only part of the summer or part of the day, whether through classes, internships, work, volunteerism....

8.  And finally, this is the biggest one.  Kids MUST learn how to experience disappointment. Like other parents, I ache when my kids don't get something they've worked hard for -- an honor at school, a volunteer opportunity of job they wanted, etc., or even the smaller, more every day things, like not being invited to a party or getting a less than stellar grade on an assignment -- but they have to learn how to cope with these things.  Disappointment happens to all of us, sometime frequently, and I fear many parents try to "fix" disappointment for their kids.  When their kids grow up and find out they actually aren't the best/brightest/most capable, whatever, I imagine it could be hard if their parents have spent a lifetime trying to fix the negatives in their lives.

So what do you think? Anything you could add to this list? Or anything you disagree with?

 

 

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