A B is NOT a Bad Grade

Now that we've had a couple of weeks since school's ended, we've all had some time to process the end of the semester.  We've all received our childrens' final report cards of the year,and we've all faced the music, good or bad.

A common theme among my friends the last year or two is the idea that when their kid gets a B, their kid somehow gets a bad grade.  The underlying message, of course, is that their kids are not only capable of, but totally expected to get A's in every class.

I blame part of this on the high stakes getting into college is a competition feeling that seems to permeate excellent school districts such as South Brunswick.  It seems like everywhere we go, we all know straight A, above 4.0 students who take all honors and AP classes, are two years ahead in math, and are destined to go to Harvard or Yale or Columbia....and that means, damn it, our own kids will do the same.

The school system doesn't make it any easier.  There are honors classes, AP classes, physics for incoming ninth graders (if they qualify), gifted and talented programs, and on and on. There are the annual events honoring kids who are National Merit finalists and scored perfect SAT scores and won National academic competitions.

But a lot of this frenzy (I can't really think of another word for it) is the parents themselves.  Sometimes, we're justified in feeling our kids wiggled themselves out of an A because they didn't study quite hard enough or could have worked a little harder and that's a frustrating feeling.

I'm guilty of that, myself.  But there's a pervasive underlying core beneath that which concerns me -- the idea that the grades actually equal who our kids are -- and maybe, who we are as parents. If junior or juniette gets a B, what does it say about me, as his or her mother? Did I not push enough?  Did he embarrass me? Is she not just the most brilliant child capable of going to college right now, in eighth grade?

I'm not sure that parents see themselves like this when they think about their kids' grades. In fact, I'm pretty sure most don't.  Instead, they truly believe that they are merely looking out for their kid's best interests -- nevermind what those interests are. If they sat down and really looked at it, I wonder if they would see what I see...the desire to allow their children to reflect them as people, to hope that their children fulfill their own lost goals as children -- maybe they didn't get straight A's or look perfect or whatever else you want to fill in the blank with.

In the end, the A students and the B students will go to college. They'll pick careers. Most will fall in love, marry, and have children.  Many will live in suburbs just like ours, have careers or jobs that sometimes fulfill them and sometimes don't....some will make more money than others...some B students will become wildly successful and some A students will fall apart as the pressure gets to them....and in the end, we'll still love them all anyway.  So let's try to balance our kids' worlds by taking a look at ourselves....and know they will be okay.