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Health & Fitness

16 and Pregnant

A controversial subject: whether to help your teenager obtain birth control. Read my point-of-view and then share yours. I would love to hear it!

 

My teen daughter and I watch this show, and it's incarnations Teen Mom 2 and Teen Mom 3, each week.  It's on MTV and it chronicles teen girls who find themselves with huge decisions to make and no skills with which to make them.  

My daughter and I talk throughout the show and afterwards about the mistakes these teen couples  make, how they wind up in the situation they're in, and the bad choices they continue to make as they struggle to take care of newborns, go back to school, manage immature, young relationships, and parental expectations. 

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In many cases, at least one relationship in the teen girl's life ultimately falls apart -- the boyfriend goes, the friends go, the parent goes. . .  And the girl's dreams are quashed as she tries to adjust to the new life she's made for herself, however inadvertently.

In every episode, the girl revisits how she became pregnant and in a scary number of cases, it's because she hasn't used birth control at all.  In a few, rare cases, her birth control failed. I wonder where the parents were as they watched their teen daughters start intense relationships with their boyfriends. 

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In some cases, the pregnancy comes about after the girl has been with the boy for only a month or so, but in the vast majority of cases there is an obviously close romantic relationship, and there has been for a couple of months, at least. 

When I look back at my own teen relationships, a month or two or three seemed like an eternity.  We thought we'd be in love forever.  As did all my friends and their boyfriends.   None of us thought, well it's only been a month...six weeks...two months..three months...

In this day and age, if parents see a relationship developing between their teenager and a boy/girlfriend, I think they need to sit down with their child and have a talk.  "Do you need birth control?  Have you thought about birth control?"

Even if the child isn't having sex yet, you're setting up a dialogue and trust.  They can come to you.  They can talk to you.  You won't judge them. 

I've talked to a lot of parents of teenagers about this.  Some say their 16-year-old isn't possibly contemplating having sex, even though they've never had a conversation with their teen or they have, only to be told, (somewhat defensively, I imagine!), "Of course I'm not having sex!" (Your kid lied to you about doing her homework last week. She's not going to hesitate to lie about sex to you.) 

In both instances, I urge you to see the more likely reality -- yes your child has at least thought about it, even remotely, and even though your child has said, "M-om!  I'm not having sex!" (Said as teenager has been dating a boy for three months, and is not being watched by you in the open family room 24-7.) 

I also have been told, "Well, they have nowhere to do it!" (Trust me, they do.  It's not that difficult to find a place. Maybe in your own home they won't, but then they will at his home, in the car, at a friend's, etc. Those teens CAN figure out a way.)

Some parents tell me they are so embarrassed about talking to their kids about birth control that they just can't make themselves. You'll be a lot less embarrassed talking about birth control with your 16-year-old than becoming a grandparent before your kid has her driver's license.  Trust me on that one.

Some parents say talking about birth control means they're giving permission for their child to have sex.  Well....they probably already know how sex works, and their hormones are raging.  I doubt you're letting them in on anything they don't know.

If you haven't watched "16 and Pregnant" yet, consider it. You'll see how incredibly naive a lot of these kids are. And then, hopefully, you'll talk to yours about birth control.  And get some, if necessary.  Remember: Better than becoming a grandparent to your high school aged kid's kid!

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