The Incredibly, Amazingly, Perfectly IMPERFECT MOM

This will be short (doubtful) and not so sweet. I am a wife, a therapist for women, children and families, a daughter, a sister, a friend...(You get it). However,  it seems the majority of my identity comes from being "MOM". I am the mom of two incredible boys. They are almost five years apart in age. An interesting age gap to say the least. In being a mom, and working with other moms, and obviously having many "mom" friends...Here is the common theme I hear, "I am not good enough."

Guess what...I have gotten to a point in my life, that there are some days, where I actually realize, I just might be doing O.K, that "perfect" does not exist, it is an illusion that media, society, social networking, even other moms, including myself and dare I say it, even Dads, perpetuate.

Here is a scenario...I click on Facebook and the status update that screams out to me is this "Dinner made, candles lit, house cleaned, cookies baked...I got this down"  or better yet. "Dinner...check, Christmas cookies...check...making gingerbread village with kids...check, I am Blessed" OH, the list goes on, but I will stop there.

Outside the local school yard, the moms are talking about how they "always" have homemade, frozen banana bread in the freezer for unexpected guests, they have a crock pot going "all the time" with a simple, yet nutritious meal and they would NEVER let their children have dairy or gluten and godforbid the evil Soy and all those hormones...

We drop our children off to a playdate...the house appears perfect, the dinner is cooking, they are cooking an extra dinner for the neighbor who just gave birth and she is perfectly dressed, hair done and she just got home from "spinning" class!

I am baffled...many of the women I counsel, are equally confused. How can this be? How can she be perfect?

The answer is "she is not"...It is an illusion. We have a choice. Chase an illusion or be the authentic, good enough, imperfect and human mom that we actually are.

"Don't judge your insides, by someone else's outsides"  "What someone else thinks of me, is none of my business"...these ideas help. I can honestly say there have been minutes, hours and days wasted to trying to achieve the "perfect" childhood experiences for my children. I still fall victim to this on some days. But here is what you should know...

I am a "good enough" mother...a wise man once told me, "a vase can only hold so much water, the rest is just spilling all over". For some reason, that resonated with me. I don't have to do crafts, bake cookies, go hiking, play legos, have dinner cooking and make each child feel important 24 hours a day. The burn out factor is SERIOUSLY HIGH if you don't start to let some crap GO!! Just be good enough!

Here is the honest truth. If my house is "perfectly clean" it is probably because you showed up on the day that my (very inexpensive) cleaning woman, just walked out the door. If dinner is cooked, it is because, I happened to get inspired that day to get it done early. If I am dressed with makeup, well, that is just because it gives me the energy to actually do the dishes... as my dishwasher has been broken for a month or I literally just walked in the door from work.

If cookies are baking, they are cut and bake and I almost never make them.

If the laundry is folded and put away...my husband did it.

If my kids are playing nicely...they were just wrestling to the point of a near death, potential emergency room visit.

If I am playing scrabble with my children,  while dinner is cooking, and music is playing and the house is clean, the candles are burning... You just happened to stop by on a really good freaking day. I am a good enough mother...but not even close to perfect. And if I ever feel like I am having a "perfect" day...I won't be posting it to Facebook, thank you very much.  Because chances are it will make another mom, feel not good enough. As moms...let's talk about our struggles, as well as what we are good at. We gotta keep it real people.

Also...I haven't been to the gym since August 2013. I have a membership. I am gonna HIT that in 2014. Just wait for it...